My husband left for a business trip (see “stars of the show” for more details) at the beginning of this week, and I was heartbroken. Not only was it the longest we’d been apart in almost four years, but I was scared of the idea of being alone during such a trying time in my personal life.
Rewind a week previous, and my mind was constantly nagging at the man. “Honestly, the hamper is two feet away; you can’t put your clothes in there?” “UGH, he is everywhere~ there is no space in this two-bedroom apartment!” “He’s doing it again. Stop killing my favorite songs with your parodies.” Petty annoyances that should be dismissed with the wave of a hand.
But then, he left. And tears came. And the realizations hit.
I’m in the business of documenting couples make promises to each other all the time: love and cherish. Honor and trust. Good times and bad. But, marriage is hard. Marriage is so much harder than I could have ever imagined. Bringing two people together with emotional pain and baggage and shutting them together in a house forever and there’s bound to be explosion (and I’m not talking about fireworks in the bedroom).
But the absence of marriage is much harder than the marriage ever was itself. Maybe not physically, but emotionally. The idea of absence – of getting away, of a new start – might sound invigorating and exciting. But the reality of leaving marriage is heartbreaking. Because it means that promises are lies. And lies never hold trust. And losing trust in the one person who was never supposed to leave? That must be the worst feeling of all.
Thankfully, Adam and I didn’t have to experience anything remotely close to that. A business trip separated us physically for a few days while technology kept us together emotionally. But, my heart still ached. But, when he came home, I didn’t really care about the dirty socks on the floor. And we didn’t even need the two bedrooms of the apartment to keep our space. (We’re still working on the parodies thing though 😉 ). He is my person. I made him so when I promised him my life. Petty problems or huge, heavy baggage. It was my decision then; why would it not be a daily decision now?
stars of the show:
a nice mash-up of animals, babies, parents and interesting stunt-men at church. i’d say the most noticeable star is that there is one missing. my husband! he left early monday morning and didn’t return until friday evening. i had to change lightbulbs and take out the trash BY MYSELF. *pause for reaction* and i couldn’t even call on facebook for help for fear of them knowing i was alone and getting jumped and plundered while in his absence. i’m happy to report i am safe. and back to letting my husband take the trash out to the dumpster.
points of interest:
MY ORCHID IS ALIVE. Adam bought it for me last summer for some sweet non-occasion, and i let it die because those little buggers are rough & tough (unlike my beautiful succulent garden, which despite the spikes, is pretty easy to tend). i thought all hope was lost and left the stalk to sit in the corner of my living room every now and then giving it water. and finally…BUDS! oh look, my thumb is green.
like most excited brides, i subscribed to a bajillion websites once adam popped the question: the knot being the most popular, i’m sure. the knot has two sister site: the bump (for preggo mamas) and the nest (for those recently married). well, the knot featured lots of timelines for my wedding, but i had no idea they’d have timelines for the rest of my life too because, lo and behold, 6 months after my wedding to the date, they introduce me to the bump. well, theknot.com, let me introduce you to hell-to-the-no (at least for right now. 🙂 ).
blog, meet my crafty-self. winter was drab, and spring needed to make an entrance…at least into my abode. half-off ceramic vase from hobby lobby + re-used flowers from wedding + half-off metal, vintage frame + yarn-wrapped cardboard “b” (craft-astic) = oh.my.land, breath of fresh air.
and just because: holy.blue.bowties. i did not buy them, so i can’t attest to their taste, but they remind me of the whole ketchup stint when they manufactured green and purple ketchup. ew.
*(Instagram is a free app for iPhones that features various filters that are easy-to-use and make posting to Twitter, Facebook, and ha, my blog, easy-peasy! You can follow me @ bgilsonburnett)
This week I’ll be featuring Tracie and Nathan [engaged!] on the blog with a little dash of sexy later this week from a previous boudoir session.
I’ve been getting lots of e-mails lately about boudoir, and if you’re interested in seeing more, e-mail me (email@example.com) for details, booking, or to see a full gallery.
Now, if you’d excuse me, I have a date with Earl Grey. And if I miss afternoon tea, well, my friends, that’d just be considered anarchy in the United Kingdom.